Day 30- Letter to my reflection in the mirror

Posted on | Sunday, October 31, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Apple,

    First of all, congratulations for really finishing this 30-day blog challenge!  It was such an emotional thing to do but you did it, you finally finished something that you were committed to do. You may have updated this blog more than your personal blog but at least you still got your writing practice through this. The letters posted here introduced to the world the people who mean so much in your life and are a big part of it. You may seem vulnerable to other readers through the things you wrote but every word was put with so much emotion and that is all that matters. Saying what you have to say and mean. The post exposed to the world the person you are.

  Though at times you think that time is running out, you are still very young. You still have a lot more years ahead of you. A life to live, so much things to do, so much people to meet and still so many places to explore. You still have the whole world to traverse.

   No matter how many challenges you face and people who try to put you down and mess with your life, never ever give up on your dreams. Keep on chasing them. Always believe in yourself and have your friends and family as your daily inspiration to go on and be the best person you can be. Never ever forget to put the Man Above as the center of your life always keep your faith in Him. Live is never easy but as long as you have passion, faith, love and hope deep in your heart of hearts, I know you'll come out triumphant.

   Never ever change for other people but only for yourself, and if you choose to change, always change for the better. You still have a lot to learn and through the experiences you'd still have to go through and the people who'd still be a part of your life, I know you'll learn a lot.

 Let go of all the pain inside you and stop regretting. Forgive yourself and the people who've hurt you. Be happy because you deserve to be.

   Keep on inspiring and helping people. Maximize yourself and share what you have to other people. The life you have is borrowed so make sure you live life to the fullest by touching other people's lives.

    Explore and travel. Learn to love the earth. Make memories with the people who matters to you most. Just keep walking, breathing, swimming, caring and loving until your heart and soul is bursting with so much happiness and fulfillment.

   Live and love. No matter what, I'll stick you until you've become the best person you want to and can be.

   Much love,
Anne

Day 29-The person that I want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Posted on | Saturday, October 30, 2010 | No Comments

Dear You,
 
        I thought long and hard about writing this, I stared at the monitor for about an hour but oh well, this letter has to be written and finished with me not even knowing what to write and how to write this.

     I'm scared. Of a lot of things. I'm scared of not being able to see you again, of you coming back at some point in time and choosing not to see me again. I'm scared of what the future holds for me. I'm scared that you won't be in it anymore.

    I was so used that you're the very first person that I tell everything to. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears, almost my entire life and I believe right now, this is the only way to get to you. Pathetic I know, but I don't care.

   I don't know where I'm going right now, what path to pursue, to choose. When I began working, I was confident that I could soon become a reporter but instead of getting my hopes up, the longer I'm staying at where I am right now, the smaller I think is my chance to become one. I am intimidated by those reporters who are just as old as I am but already has the spot that I want. I am intimidated by those people who are greater than me, who prove me that I am not that good yet. I know this is so wrong, that I should stop comparing myself to others and use their greatness to inspire me to be better but I can't help it.

    But I swear to you, in two years I'd apply for the position, I promise you that but if I don't pass, which I hope I won't let to happen, I'd take my M.A. here or in another country. I want to explore my horizon, explore the world and explore myself as to what I can do, what I can still be and what I can offer to the world.

    I want to be a better person, someone who's independent, strong and can carry herself. Someone worth marrying to, someone who's mature and can do great things that could make this world better.

   Cliche as it may seem, but when all of these hopes and dreams come true, all I really want to be with me while holding my hand is you.

 Love,
Apple     

Day 28- Someone who changed my life

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Dear TheJeep,

Day 27- The friendliest person knew for only one day

Posted on | Thursday, October 28, 2010 | No Comments

Dearest Bonsai,

       I would have to thank my dad for if he didn't ask you to be my bus mate on my first solo trip, we wouldn't have been friends.

      Sitting beside you and talking to you was like talking to my  best friend. There's so passion and love that emanates from you.

      I admire you for going back to UP to follow your theatrical dreams, and I admire you more that you're taking good care of your baby at a very young age.

     Too bad I lost your number when my phone was snatched but I hope I bump into you again soon.

Love,
Apple

Day 26- The last person I made a pinky promise to

Posted on | Tuesday, October 26, 2010 | No Comments

Dearest Ed, 

    I could have known that it would be too emotional to do this 30 day letter challenge. And it's more emotional 'coz I'm writing my third letter for you.

   It's tearing me apart you know- digging in and going back to all these emotions I've kept these past 2 years.

   It was hard, trying to forget what I felt for you, what I still believe I feel until now. There were those nights when I would cry and desperately wish in a blink of an eye you'd be back, smiling and knocking at my door and ready to take me away from here to be with you.

   But right now, I am not after that pinky promise we made under the stars, or any other promises we had to each other.

  I just want you happy. And if my holding on to you and wanting you back would just cause you pain then I don't want it anymore. It would be hard to make these feelings stop but I'm willing to try.

   With or without me, I just want you to be happy. And I promise I'd be happy for you.

Love without wax,
Apple

Day 25- The person I know that is going through the worst of times

Posted on | Monday, October 25, 2010 | No Comments

Dearest Joyce (the girl on the left),

     I know you're going through a lot. You're struggling with your work, you're trying to patch up things with Karlo even though I know it's very hard for you because of trust issues and I know that you are still facing financial problems.

    You are carrying such heavy burdens but I believe in you, and I know that you can make it through all this.

     But when all else fails and you feel that everything is falling apart, look up to God and he will guide you...

    and look beside you because that's where I'll always be.

Love,
Apple

Day 24- The person who gave me my favorite memory

Posted on | Sunday, October 24, 2010 | No Comments

Everdearest Dharel,


       I was always sad during rainy days, but I didn't feel that way when I spent it with you.

       We were in our first year in college. It was a rainy afternoon. And I was in love with you.

      I know you knew, but we were still really good friends. We were with our friends that time and we had to walk from our building to the gym which was on the farthest end of the school.

      We came in pairs and since I had no umbrella, of course I shared with you. We laughed as we ran from building to building, we were splashed with water and we kept on picking on each other.. Our friends kept on looking at us because we were having so much fun in spite of the heavy rain. You always tried to steal the umbrella from me.I was soaked, we were soaked but we didn't care.

      Five years after and I could still vividly remember that day. It was my first happy rainy day. I'm not in love with you any more but that memory with you is golden. And I'm very glad that up to now, we're still good friends.

      Thank you for that day and thank you for making my days happy with you, rain or shine.

Much love and butt,
Apple

Day 23- The last person I kissed

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Ykcam,


    You gave the best kisses. But you also have the greatest lies. Your fault you lost me. I'm never gonna kiss you again.


Apple

Day 22- Someone I'd give a second chance to

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Dearest E,


        If you ever come back for me and you'd want to give us another shot, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

        Because after all that has happened, I realize that I never got my heart back. It's still with you.

Love,
Anne

Day 21- Someone I judged by their first impression

Posted on | Friday, October 22, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Tuta Kate,

     I actually didn't notice you on our first day of classes in college, but I remember the very first time I laid eyes on you, I thought you were a snobbish spoiled brat.

    But I was so wrong. You were just a spoiled brat. LOL.

    We belonged to a group of friends but I never got to converse with you. And whenever I would ask you you something, you would answer me with just a word. What a bitch. LOLJK.

    Come third year college, we were reshuffled and 2/3 of our peers were put in the other section. So, I guess you had no choice but to be with me :))

    And we never knew that we would click.

    We love baby talk-ing and picking on each other. We love eating that's why I got fatter when we became close friends. We were seatmates, volunteer mates, OJT mates, date mates and thesismates. whew. Buti 'di tayo nagkasawaan!
    We were practically together every day and you became the kikay and crazy sister I never had. You would write me love letters as Jinggoy and my notebooks would be filled with your "I love you Ate Yasmen Kurdi" scribbles and I hated you for that. :))

     YOU EVEN GAVE ME FLOWERS ON MY BIRTHDAY! Now that's crazy!!!

   And after all that we've shared and been through, now I know it's really wrong to judge a person by first impression because the girl I didn't even want to talk to suddenly became the girl I miss so dearly. AWWWW!

   Can't wait for you to be back from the States in December. I'll see you soon!


Love,
Tuta Bulingggit Apple

Day 20- The one that broke my heart the hardest

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Dear Papa,
 
    You've broken our hearts, my heart, because of the things you did and you even broke some things due to anger.

    We've both cried under the rain when I chased you the night you walked out of the house during one of our numerous fights.

    We both wished that we didn't exist so we wouldn't be able to hurt each other.

   In short, para tayong magsyota.

   But I'm glad all those days are over and you're back as my papa who I really looked up to when I was still a kid.

  I'll always be your baby.

Love,
Apple

Day 19- Someone that pesters my mind (in a good way)

Posted on | Wednesday, October 20, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Mister Mister,

         I don't have a photo of you, I don't even know your name.

         But I just want you to know that you weaken my knees every time I see you, and that you calm  my soul whenever you look at me.

        I just smiled the very first and only time you talked to me, I can't even help but sniff every time you pass by because your smell lingers through the corridors.

        Oh well, I guess I have crazy crush on you.

I'll see you soon then,
Apple

      

Day 18- The person I wish I could be

Posted on | Tuesday, October 19, 2010 | No Comments

Dear  Mrs. Lea Salonga- Chien,

         Other people might say that I want to be like someone richer, or luckier, or more famous than you, but for me, you're the richest, luckiest and most famous.

          You are rich with talents, family and friends. And I wanted to experience and do just what you've had and done.

         I want to be able to make a difference in the world by doing what I love. You've travelled across the world by performing in theater and singing with your whole heart, and for that you are the luckiest.

          If I just had that much talent I would want to do the same but by now, I want to help and make a change in this world through writing and letting the world know the truth.

     If someday I'd become a broadcast journalist, I'd like you to know that you're one of my inspirations.

     You're the most famous because you've made our country proud and known not just through beauty that's skin deep but through the beauty of your voice, your emotions, your moments, your talent.

     You've done all that you wanted in your life, you've lived your life to the fullest and I hope someday I'd be able to do the same.

Much love and respect,
 Anne Rose Gamboa
 

Day 17- Someone from my childhood

Posted on | Saturday, October 16, 2010 | No Comments

Day 16- Someone who's not in my state or country

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Dear Char,

     Yuck, this photo's too old, but I have no choice because this was taken in year 2007.

     The same year you went away. :(

     The girls miss you, I miss you. And we don't even talk or chat nowadays.

     I would just like you to know that Chrisannielle is not Chrisannielle without you.

    Come back home please?


Your bading,
Apple

Day 1- The person I miss most

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Everdearest sisters Nachi and Sam,

  I could still remember the days when we would stay by the windows of our classroom and just "people watch", and shout names like "Bobby" or "Mark".

The days we became Powerpuff girls and we would always be with Mr. Utonium Dharel.

 And the times we would go on triplets dates, eating out, watching movies especially John Lloyd movies (then covering his leading lady's face on posters afterwards) or just chilling around.

  You two were the very first reason I cried when we were reshuffled, because we were inseparable, and you guys were also the reason that I snapped back to reality during my "crazy" months  and became the person I was again when I was still with you guys.

  I guess what I'm just really trying to say is that I miss hanging out with guys a lot and that life, not just college, would not be the same without you.

 And I... would not be this person without you both. And for that I am forever grateful. You two were the sisters I wish I have.

I hope we could spend more time together.

I love you Sam and Nachi, and I miss you every day!

Your sister,
Apple

Day 14- Someone I've drifted away from

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Dear Ed's friends,

    It was hard to think as to who I would write this letter for then I though about you guys, and I suddenly felt a pang of guilt.

    I'm sorry if I distanced myself from you guys, especially when Ed and I broke up.

    I'm sorry if I wouldn't come to get togethers, for not fulfilling my promise of seeing you guys often when Ed went away.

   Selfish as it may seem, but one of the reasons why I did it was because whenever I am with you guys, I keep on missing Ed and wishing he was still here with us. And it hurt a lot.

  Another reason was that I was too shy to be with you guys when Ed and I were not together anymore. I felt that if I continue to spend time with you, I would also hurt you guys, and I wouldn't like that. I would never like that 'coz you've been so good to me.
  
   Anyway, I just hope you guys are okay, and I hope I could meet you again someday. Stay cool and awesome guys! Thanks for welcoming me as your sis.

  The girl who also misses Ed,
Apple

Day 13- Someone I wish could forgive me

Posted on | Thursday, October 14, 2010 | 1 Comment

Dear Stacy, Neil, Jeff and Sir Josh who's actually not in this photo,

    I know you guys are not mad, but I wish you could forgive me for not making the gamble to permanently be with you guys.

  Just like a break-up line, it's not about you guys, it's all about me.

  If I would have just belonged to a news program where people were rude and insensitive, I would have transferred to your team in a heartbeat.

And if it's about us being happy, there's no doubt that we get along well. I actually find it amazing that I don't get to spend so much time with you guys but we click so easily.

I  actually feel that you are already my siblings, of course Sir Josh as my big bro, and for that I am truly grateful.

But it's also hard to let go of my NOQ family and for my passion for writing that's why I can't move and I'm terribly sorry.

Right now, I'm just thankful that I get to be with you guys, get to know you more each day.

I just hope that your team would stay the same- steady, awesome and happy.

I love you guys.

Your little evil sister from the newsroom,
Apple

Day 12- The person I hate most/caused me so much pain

Posted on | Tuesday, October 12, 2010 | No Comments

Macky,

    I don't have to put "dear" before your name anymore because you are nothing. And your picture is not even worth posting here unless it's covered in blood. Okay, that was too rude, but it's just that I don't ever want to see you again. Personally, virtually or whatever.

   You're a BIG JERK.

  I don't know what bad thing I have done to you to deserve what you've done to me. I'm glad I've woken up from that crazy fantasy. You've beaten me up, my heart, so badly but I'm just glad that it's finally over. And now I know you're not worth anything.  The love, trust and time; I wasted all of them with you. I was so fooled but now my eyes are too open.

    If I should thank you for something, I'd like to thank you for your lies because they just made me stronger.

    And just so you know, it takes more than even you to destroy me.

    I don't want my life to be connected to you, I don't want anything to do with you anymore.  Stop pestering me and trying to crawl back to me because I won't take you back. EVER.

    You've taught me a very great lesson, and that is to guard my heart from people like you.

Goodbye,
Apple

Day 11 — A Deceased person I wish I could talk to

Posted on | Monday, October 11, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Lolo Fausto,

I wish I got the chance to meet you, but even mama wasn't able to.

   It's weird how I miss you sometimes even thought we didn't get to meet. Maybe because you look like papa, it makes me feel that I see you when I gaze through his eyes.

It would have been awesome if you were here. You would spoil me, (nope, I'm just kidding!) or you would tell me World War II stories and I would be truly amazed. Or maybe, you would tell how you were able to tame lola.

But seriously, it would have been really nice to have someone tell me how it feels to really grow old, not just aging but maturing, and to be hugged by those fragile, loving arms.

Anyway, thanks for giving me my mom. That's something I would be forever grateful for.

And through you, now I realize it's never impossible to love somehow you haven't even been with.

I hope your soul would continue to guide me as I grow.

Take care of yourself, lolo Rodrigo and lola Menang and Jesusa up there.

Your most  beautiful grand daughter,
Apple

Day 10- Someone I don’t talk to as much I’d like to

Posted on | Saturday, October 9, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Maann,

     I know we barely talk,and maybe you think I'm mad but I'm not.

     I'm just really upset that you're always not around when we have barkada get togethers and you don't even keep in touch with us.

   And I guess the reason why I'm like this is because we really miss you. I MISS YOU.

  I hope you're okay and I hope you'd see us soon.


Your LOL buddy,
Apple

Day 9- Someone I wish I could meet

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Dear Jason Mraz,

   Thank you for your music.

   It affected my life in ways and at times you could never imagine.

    It helped me cope up and make it through the toughest times of my life and also kept me company during the most wonderful days.

   Your music is truly amazing and sublime, words from A-Z would never be enough to describe what and how your music is.

    It has been my life, it helped me to really love music more and inspired me to someday create my own music .

   I hope you won't even stop singing and making music. Keep on strumming those guitar strings as you strum our heart strings.

    I really hope you'd still come back here in Manila so I can finally sing with you.

   Namaste.


Your Mrs. A-Z,
Apple
 

Day 8- My favorite Internet Friend

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Dear Aix,

   From what I could remember, I knew you through Multiply. I loved reading blogs then and I read a post of yours on my friend's site and I was just suprised as how much I could relate to your post. I read your blog then was really amazed as how I could so much of myself in you, mostly on the emotional part.

   Then we would talk online sometimes and little by little, I knew we were much more alike than I thought, even our height and heartbreaks.

   I would just like to let you know that you are such a great person. You are very special and talented so never ever stop believing in yourself because I believe in you.

   I really think that someday you'd go far! Life's a promise and a dream so fulfill it!

Cheers to our unique friendship!

Hope someday our postponed workshop meet-up would just happen!

Your also small friend,
Apple 

Day 7- The One who loved

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Day 6- A Stranger

Posted on | Thursday, October 7, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Human,

     I'm pretty lonely lately, well not because I am single again. Actually, I like that I am. But meetings with friends have been postponed almost every weekend and it's what's making me sad and lonely lately. I miss them. A lot.

    Since I can't do anything about it but to wait for every weekend to turn out differently, I keep myself busy with work. I'm even working next week for 13 hours each day. Spell WORKOHOLIC. But it's all I have right now. And books. And music.

    I've read two books in four days and it just goes to show how bored I really am, but they were such good books so I don't regret reading them. I actually think I'm writing like Charlie in The Perks of being a Wallflower because it's the book I'm currently reading and I'm really liking it.

   Music. Oh, what would I do without music? It keeps me company during sweaty travel hours, emo days, hot-headed times in the office and even giddy ones. And I'm really,really getting addicted to Jason Mraz. I've been watching concert CDs of him that I even borrowed from an officemate. His concerts are AWESOME. I wish he would really come back here even if he already did for two times already. If he won't come, then I guess I would have to follow him in a nearby country. I have to get to watch him live before I die.

   I have so many random things to tell you but this letter is to long and too personal already. 

  Tomorrow's pay day and I can't wait. I just want to even be really happy even for just a while.

Happy in an unpretentious way. 'Coz I'm tired of it.


The girl who wished you could right back but doesn't even know who you are,
Apple

Day 5- My dreams

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Dear dreams,

    I may not realize you all right now, maybe one day some of you might still change, but one thing I'll make sure of, I will make all of you come true.

  I've spend all my life thinking about you and right now, there's no way I'm giving up.

 I will exhaust all of the strength and will that I have,  all of my heart, soul, mind and being to be with you.


The dreamer who would be able to hold you soon,
Apple

Day 4- MY brothers

Posted on | Wednesday, October 6, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Kuya Noel and Albert,

    I hate growing up. Simply because maturing and aging take you guys from me.

   When I was just a little kid and you two we're already growing to be bullies, I felt extremely sad that you were so distant to me; you wouldn't talk in front of me and would not include me in your games because I was too young, plus, the fact that I was a girl. And I believe this was one of the reasons why I became a nerd;I was used to reading books and not socializing with you guys.

   But as years passed, we got along little by little and our age gaps somehow didn't matter at all.We would go out, watch the same movies, listen to the same music and talk about the same things. We would always find time to talk and we would always know if one is happy or has a problem.

  The two of you then became my second parents, cooler version. You would spoil me and reward me with things when I did great and you would scold at me and then not talk to me for days because of the foolish things I did.

   I was just getting a grasp of this happy bro-sis phase, I was just enjoying the fact that finally I'm in your world but then, "grown-up" things happened. Girlfriends happened. Seminarian life and work happened.

  And suddenly I felt that the happiness of being with you guys was taken away from me just when I'm already on the state of euphoria. I have to admit that most days now, I usually feel like I'm the only offspring of our parents and it hurts.

  But, I really have to accept that change and maturity is inevitable. That these times would really come but it should not stop us from loving each other.

    That you Kuya Noel would soon get married, Kuya Albert would be a priest and I do too hope I get to get married.

   I just hope that there would be more time for catching up, more time to feel that I still have both of you.

  I miss you guys. I miss you both terribly it's making me cry.


Your loving sister who's going through a lot right now,
Apple

Day 3- My Parents

Posted on | Monday, October 4, 2010 | No Comments

Dear Mama and Papa,

    This is probably the hardest letter to write among the thirty. Not because I don't have anything to say to you but because words aren't enough to express everything I would want to tell you and make you feel. My whole life won't even suffice for the love and happiness that you've given to me as your daughter, but here I am making an attempt to write the biggest slice of feelings that I have for you right now.

     I am happy. I am very, very happy. Not for me but for the both of you.

    After years of falling, failing and breaking, after all the years of intrigues, heart stabbing truth and secrets, you have finally stood up and proven to the world that the love you have for each other is really endless.

     We've been through so many problems that if other family would have experienced them, they may have ended up as broken. Yet here we are, we stayed strong until we overcame them all.

     Through your relationship, I finally came to really realize that what my college professor said was true. In a relationship, it would always seem like you travel through mountains, and you don't always get to travel hand in hand. There are times when one's emotions would lead him or her to the top of the mountain, while the other one would be left downhill, beaten and alone. Still if you believe that at the end of the journey you would still have each other, then you would just have to wait no matter how many sunrises and sunsets would you have to go through alone.

    What really matters is that you believe in your heart of hearts that in the end, you will find those pair of eyes that would always make you realize why you're alive.

   And I see that through you.

   Thank you for making me realize how sublime love really is.

   For the past months, I know I've disobeyed and hurt you for taking my own path of love. I am sorry for breaking your hearts and I'm glad I've woken up. I should have believed that you know what's best for me, and now I'm willing to wait. I'm willing to wait for the right love just like what you two have.

     I would be very willing to live my life to make up for every pain I've caused, and to give you the things you deserve. Traveling abroad, making you stop from work and buying you things won't even be enough to show how grateful I am.

  If I would have to thank you for everything through this letter, this webpage wouldn't even be enough, but again I'll try.

    Thank you for really, always being there for me. Thank you for believing in me even during those times that I have given up on myself. Thank you for being those hands to really hold me when I'm really breaking, for being those ears who listened to my whispers and even my screams. Thank you for lifting me at the top of the world when I've done something to make you proud. Thank for supporting my dreams though they don't agree with what you want for me. Thank you for making me learn that you can't have all the richness in this world but what's more important is the love you have and the people who fill your life.

   You may not have chosen me to be your daughter but I would like to thank you for being the best parents to the very word.

   I would not have been myself if you weren't my parents, and even if I would have to choose between Brangelina and you, I wouldn't trade you guys for anything in this world.

   I'm in my highs of high because I have you both.

  I love you Mama and Papa. I'm glad you're back to your honeymoon phase. :)


Love,
Your only daughter

Day 2 - My Crush

Posted on | Saturday, October 2, 2010 | No Comments

To the guy who help me stay awake during morning work shifts,

Day 1- My Best Friend

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