Day 29-The person that I want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Posted on | Saturday, October 30, 2010 | No Comments

Dear You,
 
        I thought long and hard about writing this, I stared at the monitor for about an hour but oh well, this letter has to be written and finished with me not even knowing what to write and how to write this.

     I'm scared. Of a lot of things. I'm scared of not being able to see you again, of you coming back at some point in time and choosing not to see me again. I'm scared of what the future holds for me. I'm scared that you won't be in it anymore.

    I was so used that you're the very first person that I tell everything to. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears, almost my entire life and I believe right now, this is the only way to get to you. Pathetic I know, but I don't care.

   I don't know where I'm going right now, what path to pursue, to choose. When I began working, I was confident that I could soon become a reporter but instead of getting my hopes up, the longer I'm staying at where I am right now, the smaller I think is my chance to become one. I am intimidated by those reporters who are just as old as I am but already has the spot that I want. I am intimidated by those people who are greater than me, who prove me that I am not that good yet. I know this is so wrong, that I should stop comparing myself to others and use their greatness to inspire me to be better but I can't help it.

    But I swear to you, in two years I'd apply for the position, I promise you that but if I don't pass, which I hope I won't let to happen, I'd take my M.A. here or in another country. I want to explore my horizon, explore the world and explore myself as to what I can do, what I can still be and what I can offer to the world.

    I want to be a better person, someone who's independent, strong and can carry herself. Someone worth marrying to, someone who's mature and can do great things that could make this world better.

   Cliche as it may seem, but when all of these hopes and dreams come true, all I really want to be with me while holding my hand is you.

 Love,
Apple     

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